Kuso Perez : Cuba

[Kuso Perez]

Kuso Perez

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No, man. Just call me Kuso. Customers can call me hombre medio. Ju buyin today, boss?

WE CAN’T TELL BY LOOKING AT YOU… ARE YOU MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN-BETWEEN IT ALL?
Ju serious, boss? This much fuzz and you thinkin I’m a girl. Oh man, boss, ju gotta work on your taste is mamacitas.

OH, REALLY? HM. YOU SHOULD WORK ON LOOKING IT… ANYWAY, WHEN WERE YOU BORN?
Ju should work on your vision, man. Anyway muchacho, I was born in viente de Mayo en año de diecinueve ochenta ocho. That’s May twentieth nineteen eighty eight, muchacho. Ju guys ain’t bi-lingual yet, man?

WELL, YOU LOOK PRETTY FINE FOR YOUR AGE… BUT TSK. THIS OLD AND CAN’T CONTROL IT? NO WONDER YOU’RE HERE.
I don’t care about controlling it, really, boss. Este mucho más fácil para mi trabajo. And I ain’t telling ju what I said boss. Get a dictionary if ju wanna know so bad.

SO, WE THOUGHT THAT BRAD PITT WAS HOT AS ALDO RAINE, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? …WE’RE THE DEANS, NOT YOU, DON’T GIVE US THAT LOOK.
I dunno man. Don’t really dig the grengos too good, boss. Some of the boys in there weren’t too bad though, if ju like it like that.

UHUH. WELL. THAT WAS INTERESTING. NOW, WHAT DO YOU ENJOY DOING?
I like surfing and playing baseball. Try to stay pretty active and all so work doesn’t get too tough. I really like watchin’ chicks go by and some of the dudes around here. Ju people got some nice lookers here, boss. I’m a party sort of guy, muchacho, so I don’t like stayin’ inside too much. Gotta go to parties and shit like that, ju know? Drink a little, smoke a little… Hey, boss. I got some stuff here that’s real good. Get the misses goin again huh? Huh huh! Come on, ese!

NOW, WHAT ABOUT THINKS YOU DON’T LIKE? WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IN ORDER TO EMBETTER YOUR SITUATION AND LIVING ARRANGEMENTS. LIKE MINDS WITH LIKE MINDS AND ALL…
Americans get on my freaking nerves, man. They’re loud, fat, and sweat too much. No, for serious dude! I can’t stand people who whine either, man. Chickens get me pissed real fast. Some shy kids are okay, but usually I just wanna punch ‘em down, man. Oh, I hate that freakin’ cartoon with the mouse and the big cheesy hat. The one who’s always runnin’? Jes, I hate him real bad boss. Makes us all look stupid for speakin’ Spanish.

DULLY NOTED. WE’LL REMEMBER THAT AS WE PLACE YOU IN CLASSES AND SUCH. NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS OR SOMETHING YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT? CONTROLLING YOURSELF MUST NOT BE ONE TO BE HERE…
Ju know boss, I’m thinking del amamantar de gallo is a pretty good name for ju. Ju should use it some time.

Obviously I’m at least bilingual, but with all the Canadians that go through Cuba I speak French too, boss. I’m a good fighter and can cook a good meal. Just about any job I can do, boss. As for my other talent? Well, ju just gotta lemme know when ju need the stuff, man.


HUH. THAT’S CURIOUS – WE NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WITH YOU. NOW, WHAT DO YOU SUCK AT? …IT’S A WORD, DEAL WITH IT.
Ju are like, so lame boss.

I don’t like picking any side but my own. I can’t get along with the grengos at all, man. I mean at all. Then there’s the cold weather thing. I can’t stay warm in the cold, no matter what. Also have a hard time keeping chicks. They don’t like how tough I am. But whatchu expect, man?

HM. FIGURES. WE SEE A LOT OF CASES LIKE THAT AND- HEY, LOOK, ICE CREAME!
For real? Man, icecreame is one of the good things those grengos brought us!

WHOOPS, GUESS YOU MISSED THE TREAT. NOW, YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE YOUNG YET, BUT GIVEN ANY THOUGHT ON WHAT YOU LIKE IN A PARTNER? DON’T BE SHY.
Vir chupar gallo, punto.

Someone active and fun. I don’t want someone who just wants to stay inside all day. They gotta be pretty too. Don’t care about race or gender, but faith. Gotta be catholic, boss. Don’t want some pagan scumbag hangin on my sexy arm. Glasses too. Those are kinda hot. Guess I like geeks then, huh boss?

HM, THAT SCRATCHES OUT MY DAUGHTER… WHAT ABOUT THINGS YOU HATE IN A PERSON? FOR… FUTURE REFERENCE.
Fat lazy Americanos who shove their way into jour business cause they think it’s their business too. Rich kids who have everything, people who waste food, and lazy bums. Still describing Americans? I’m tryin, muchaco, I swear.

YOU’RE QUITE SHALLOW, AREN’T YOU? HM, NO MIRRORS ALLOWED IN YOUR ROOM…
And ju are uno culebrear cabrón.

NO INTERVIEW WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SOME BASIC QUESTIONS, RIGHT? JUST ANSWER THEM AS TRUTHFULLY AS POSSIBLE, OKAY?
Whatever, man. Just get this done. Gotta meet somebody in cuarenta minutos, boss.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD AND DRINK?
This crazy Canadian had me mix this stuff together. Called it poutine or something like that. Was pretty awesome. For drink? Whiskey does me good, man.

FAVOURITE PHRASE OR QUOTE?
“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” Willaim Wallace. Smart guy.

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?
La classe de Musica. I love playing instruments, man.

FAVORITE COLOUR?
Orange. Dunno why man, but it’s one awesome color.

FAVORITE PLACE?
Sitting on the rocks lining the beach, watching the tide come in as the sun sets. Nothin better on a Cuban day than that, boss.

FAVORITE BOOK?
Uh… Got me stuck there. Not a lot of books where I’m from. I guess Don Quixote. That was a classic.

FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
My button up hawaiin shirt. Comfortable for all weather, man.

YOU HANDLED THE DRILL WELL… WE ARE IMPRESSED. NOW, TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.
I’m a pretty honest guy, ju know? I like to live life as it comes to me. I wanna make the most of it and try not to screw it up too bad. I’m always working or doing something. Can’t stay down. This world only gives us so many days so I don’t plan on wastin’ it. I’m devout in my faith and will never stray from he who holds us close. I have a steady job of sorts and it makes me good money. Which, by the way, the offer still stands boss. Otherwise I’m a pretty simple guy. Not much to talk about.

HOW ABOUT FAMILY? ARE YOU LEAVING ANYONE BEHIND?
Not really. Just my mom, but she’ll be fine. She’s the only thing I’m scared of besides el Diablo.

THAT’S INTERESTING… REMINDS US OF HOME. NOW, WHAT HAS BROUGHT YOU TO OUR ESTABLISHMENT, EXACTLY?
I heard about this place from a priest and wanted to come here so I could control this disease. Could be useful somehow, right?

NOW, SO WE KNOW WHEN SCHEDULING YOU, DO YOU WORK ANYWHERE AT THE MOMENT? WHAT ABOUT LIVING? DO YOU HAVE AN APARTMENT OFF CAMPUS, OR SHALL WE PUT YOU IN A DORM?
Not really working right now, so dorms will have to work for me, boss.

HM, ALRIGHT. LET’S SAY YOUR HOME IS BEING FLOODED. …PRETEND YOU LIVE ON THE COAST OR SOMETHING, OKAY? ANYWAY, WHAT THREE THIGNS WOULD YOU SAVE?
My mom’s locket, a hawaiin shirt, and my stash.

WE NEVER WOULD HAVE PICTURED YOU THE TYPE TO CARE. HOW ODD.
And I never pictured ju to be anything other than del amamantar de gallo.

NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHAT REASON YOU’RE HERE… BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. MIND TELLING US YOUR SPECIES?
I’m a mongoose… They were introduced in Cuba centuries ago to manage rodents. Now they’re freaking everywhere.

HM. WE HAVE FACILITIES THAT YOU MAY FIND USEFUL. I’M SURE YOU’VE READ THE HANDBOOK THOUGH, RIGHT? IF SO, PLEASE GIVE US THE THREE HIDDEN WORDS IN A SENTENCE OR TWO.
A Canadian once told me that I’m a charming and forward man who tastes like maple syrup.

YOU’RE NOT AS MUCH OF A SLACKER AS WE THOUGHT. THAT’S GOOD. WE ARE IMPRESSED WITH YOU.
Yeah, well, ju seem to expect nothing out of us, boss.

WELL, THAT JUST ABOUT WRAPS EVERYTHING UP… IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO TELL US?
Just don’t complain if I find an American and beat them down. Otherwise, boss, don’t worry bout me.

WE’LL TAKE OUR LEAVE NOW. PLEASE WAIT FOR VERIFICATION INTO THE SYSTEM.
Don’t take too long man. I still gotta go meet that guy.
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Arlen has been endlessly trailing around on this planet for twenty-two years, and they appear to be stuck. Whoops. So they took up role playing to pass the time, and have been doing so for 8 years. How interesting! They are located in the Eastern Standard time-zone, for future globe-trotting reference! But I guess you can always reach them at this site’s pm address.

Well, let’s get this paper into the system! :

Padre nuestro que estás en los cielos
Santificado sea tu Nombre

His heart was rushing as the sound of heavy boots echoed within the warehouse. The rival gang had broken in and already taken down some of the men. He remained pressed against a wall, sweat rolling down dark skin and soaking his black wife beater. For a moment his dark eyes closed as he thought of what his mother would do. Would she cry when someone brought his body home?

Venga tu reino

They were coming closer. He darted, gun firing at the men advancing as he rolled behind more cover. He looked at his comrade in hiding and smiled. At least now he was beside someone. It was scarier alone, just like kids in the dark, and the knowledge that someone sat by him in this shit hole made him feel better.

Hágase tu voluntad

The two rose to their feet, a gun in each hand, and the triggers were pulled. Again. And again. Men were dying out there. Like a battlefield. It reminded him of the times people were taken from the buses to join the military. Never given a choice. Never to come home again. How many had he seen dragged away?

En la tierra como en el cielo

The noise from his throat. Was he screaming? He had lost himself in the bloodshed, in the flying bullets. His guns clicked empty and he ducked down again, yanking down his partner by the pants. They reloaded and moved to the sides of the cover, aiming for kneecaps and whatever they could manage. He would go home to his mother tonight. He would kiss her weary head and tell her how pretty she is. How he’s glad to be home. He wouldn’t be late for dinner and make her fear for him.

Danos hoy el pan de este día
y perdona nuestras deudas
como nosotros perdonamos nuestros deudores

So much noise! And yet in his mind it was deathly quiet. Almost unbearably so. He was screaming again, wasn’t he? Man, if only he had been a good child. If only he had done what mama said. Quit running around. Find a nice woman to love you. Life is too short baby, and this country will make it ever shorter. Yeah. She was damn right. But God, it was so much fun!

y no nos dejes caer en al tentacion
sino que líbranos del malo.

[size=3[]”Amen!”

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((Quite a bit of Spanish was used for Mr. Kuso. To be kind I’ll go ahead and translate, though much of it isn’t very polite.

Ju= A common spanish pronunciation for the English "you".
hombre medio= middle man
mamacitas= sexy women
muchacho= man
Este mucho más fácil para mi trabajo.= It's much easiter for my job.
Grengos= Grengo was a term introduced when men from the American army went to Spanish speaking nations in the southwestern hemisphere. Gren was for the green uniforms and go refers to the G.I. Joe.
ese= A common slang that is similar to "homie". It can also be a racial slur thrown at caucasians.
del amamantar de gallo= This literally translates to "the sucker of cock". So cock sucker.
Vir chupar gallo, punto.= Go suck cock, bitch/cunt.
uno culebrear cabron= one snaky bastard
cuarenta minutos= fourty minutes
La classe de Musica= Music class
el Diablo= the Devil

In the rp sample a verse in broken up. This is simply the Lord's Prayer in Spanish, so I won't worry about translating.))[/quote]

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say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0.
Maple just edited it to her liking.

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[Matthew Williams]

Oh, baby, I'm only going through this for formalities, but you KNOW I'm in love with this Cuba. Like. Bad.

I'll have his babies later, okay?

You are,

ACCEPTED !

Now, be sure to request for Cuba's Dorm Room, Any Sign Ups around campus you want, and file for a Email/Messenger name if you want them!